I’ve read about the misery of Central American borders for non-CA-4 citizens and thought it was just people being on the internet and feeling like they have to complain about stuff.

The short summary of my border crossing experience on CA-2 from Guatemala to El Salvador:
7 HOURS.

S E V E N  H O U R S.

True:  Part of it is my own fault because I had overstayed my bike’s import because of the robbery and replacement passport timing.  But, the two other bikers I am traveling with took about 5 hours.  Thats about 4.5 hours faster than my US-MX, MX-Belize, and Belize-Guatemala borders.

I know part of it is because of the language barrier, but the main reason is the complexity and all the different windows you need to visit across 4 buildings.  Oh yeah, don’t forget your copies of EVERYTHING.  LOTS too.  I take 2 copies of everything and ran out.  Here is what I used (corrected for my personal problem, which I’ll talk about later).

Documents:
Passport
Vehicle Title
Driver’s License

Copies:
2 Copies of your passport (photo page)
2 copies of your title
2 copies of your Driver’s License
1 copy of your Guatemala SAT stamp (should be next to your migration stamp) inside your passport
1 copy of your “completed” Guatemala SAT vehicle import worksheet

Here’s what you can expect:
* Enter border zone on CA-2
* Have passport and SAT vehicle import worksheet checked.  Get a stamp on it
* Cross through Guatemala side past all sorts of border craziness including but not limited to
* Border helper monkeys fighting to “help” you and show you the way
* People selling fruit covered in flies
* Stange homeless looking person who drops a sock (a sock?) and when guard tells him to pick it up, he gives the f-off face and walks on (No eyesight needed, I could have smelled the whole thing… EVEN OVER MY OWN BIKER STINK!)
* Bicycles, lots of Bicycles (do bicycles need an import sticker?)
* Cows feeding in the border zone.  ?????
* Goats feeding in the border zone.  ??????????
* Lots of money changers
* TONS of trucks.  Skip past them on your speedy bike
* Come upon a bridge where you are stopped by a guard who notes down something from you SAT bike paper.  (Adds another stamp? checks passport?)
* Cross the bringe to El Salvador
* Migration official checks passport stamp. Guard checks SAT paper again (maybe another stamp?  I have tons of stamps on that thing),
* Park in front of the building that says Migration
* Walk into Migration office.  They’ll check your personal visa.  El Salvador uses the same stamp as Guatemala.  So if you have time, you don’t get another stamp for you passport.  Sorry.

Now the fun begins.  This is what we should have done, but we did lots of unnecessary steps.  I’m not going to bore you with them.
* Go to the other building (not the migration one) and go to window 4 or 5.  There will be a guy with a Guatemala SAT shirt.
* Close out your Guatemala SAT worksheet.  I think you need a passport copy, title copy, and DL copy
* Walk back to the first building and find the copy place
* Get a copy of your closed SAT paperwork and a copy of your Guatemala migration passport/SAT stamp at a copy window.  Should be $.10 or $.15 a copy.
* Next to the copy place is El Salvador Aduana, go there
* Start the paperwork for El Salvador.  He’ll ask for: Passport, Title, passport copy, title copy, DL copy?, Passport/SAT stamp copy, completed SAT paperwork copy, and a sample of blood (J/K).
* Show these to the official and if you’re nice and he’s not too busy, he’ll fill out the form for you.
* You and the official then walk to bike to check the VIN

OK, now the REAL fun begins
* Walk to the other building
* Go into the door that isn’t the jail, mock a few prisioners, hope you don’t join them
* Start at window 3 and work your way through the pipeline, windows 3, 2, and 1.
* There is a huge line, Theo told me you can just cut the line in front of the truckers.  I tried and a riot almost broke out.  More about that later
* So, TRY to cut, if not… you better do what I did =]
* Upon completion, you’ll have a print out with a fancy sticker on it.  DONE!
* Mount up bike, realize how it is much cooler in the mountians, and head towards the exit
* Get charged a $5 / vehicle gringo tax.  Yes, I’m serious.  They said it is only for non-CA-4 citizens.  They atleast provided us with a factura.  We tried to fight it
* Have your passport AND new salvadorian papers checked
* DONE!!!!!!!!!

So here’s what happened to me as I had a different situation:
I got through the to the guy who checked my passport on the Salvadorian side of the bridge.  He paged through my passport and started getting twitchy.  He then escorted me to the Migration office where he took me to the back and started asking me how I had traveled overland from the US and only had a Guatemala stamp.

I gave him my standard robbery “Tres personas con armas me roberon……Atilan…” speech.  Satisfied, he let me go with the remaining time on my passport.

Then I went to the Salvador Aduana guy and was sent to the SAT guy in building two.  I thought I was going to make it as he was telling me what I needed (copias, etc), then he noticed the date.  Expired Sept 8.  He then basically told me there was absolutely nothing he could do and that I had to return to the Guatemala SAT office on the other side of the river and get them to close the paperwork out.

I hopped back on the bike and went to the SAT office.  This is where my fun began.  Waiting.  Waiting.  W a i t i n g .   Annoying helpers tried to “help” me by trying to get his friend that was working trucks to help me.  After waiting for him for a while I just started asking all SAT looking employees.  “Tres personas con armas…” I eventually came upon a guy named Sabil or something that sounded like that.  He was sorta helpful after making me wait 3 or 4 seperat times.  1-2 hours elapse to get this answer “You need to get a letter of explination typed and printed”.  Sabil then gets some girl in an orange shit to do it for me.  She RUNS off and I start waiting for my letter.  I wait for about 45 minutes (Sabil says, *hand gesture of a small amount” momento!).  I get frustrated and start hunting for orange shirt girl.  I circle the building and find her rocking out to some Mana.

I then talk to her and realize she hasn’t done a thing.  She then tells me to have a seat and wait for grey shirt guy.

20 minutes elapse

Grey shirt guy sits down at the computer and whips me out a letter of explination.  It was great, this guy actually knew how to type!

10 minutes elapse

I get a letter written, 2 copies, FREE!!!!

Next, I work my way back to the window around truckers and helpers who cut in line.

It is now 1ish and Sabil is at lunch, so I wait for him for “10 minutes”

30 minutes elapse

Sabil is back, says I’m good to go but he needs to wait for the boss.  “20 minutes”

2 and a half H O U R S  elapse with me poking through the window every 20 minutes asking if el jefe is back from lunch that he started an hour before I got there.

At this point, I’m incredibly hot, hungry, and frustrated.

Finally, bossman, aka the guy who must have had seafood that he took a boat to the ocean and caught himself finally showed up.

10 minutes later.  DONE!  I’m legally closed out of Guatemala.  No penelties, no bribes, no problems.  Just 4 hours of my life.

Impressibely, both Bryn and Theo are still waiting for me.

Then I start trying to get my salvador paperwork done.  It is around 4pm.  Dark happpens at 7.  I’m excited because I’m in without HUGE fines but discouraged because there is NO way that we’ll be done by dark.

I do the building shuffle back and forth, get the right copies, etc etc…  I then show all the right papers to the Salvadorian customs guy.  At this point, I’m using my DaveSpan to the fullest of its ability.  Tons of awkward spanish as a second language wit and jokes I try to befriend the Salvadorian guy.  Mostly because he was a nice guy, but secondarily because customs people can make your life easy… or make you wait.  Time is not what I have at this point.

My salvadorian paperwork is inked out (needs to be typed into the computer, then fancy sticker made), I start the 3 2 1 windows game.

Theo told me to cut infront of the truckers and I try to do so.

Try to cut.

Actually cut.

Davespan…

Solo tengo una moto….

Peligrosa at night..

Begging…..

A near riot occurs as all the truckers start yelling at me to go to the end of the bench (line).  Recluctantly, I comply.  What kind of self-ricious gringo am I?

I’m sitting in this line of stinky truckers (but alas, I have a massive reak to myself too, so HA!) realizing how screwed we are.  There is NO way that I’ll be able to sit through this line, which is probably 2 hours long, and make it out of the border while it is still light.

My new friend, Salvadorian Customs Man, shows up and grabs me out of line.

We go to this little booth that has a computer, an operator… AND the magic fancy label printer.  I’m gushing with excitment and DaveSpan.

7 minutes later, DONE!  I have my paperwork all stamped and ready to go.  Unbelievable.  I profusely thanked the operator guy and ran back to Salvadorian customs to thank SCM.  I have no idea what I told him, but he was smiling, and I was yelling crazy happy things at him “Tu eres el HOMBRE!!  GRACIAS!!!”

It all worked out.  I love Guatemala, just not Guatemala time.  I’m on the Pacific coast in El Salvador and just had a fantastic meal of a pan fried fish.

Life is pretty good.  Pretty, pretty good.